@futurebird (at least not in the "be more deferential to men so you don't poke their ego" sense, which it's often related to)

@futurebird also, sometimes I do things I am not interested in changing. For example, I am unusually comfortable with directly confronting authority figures, and this makes some people super uncomfortable. They perceive it as arrogant and stirring up trouble. And sometimes they have a point! Sometimes it would be much better if I shut up. But I don't want to change that one, and I'm not really interested in hearing criticism about it.

@futurebird I struggle with this one. Sometimes there are people in the community who are just not gonna change a certain type of behavior, and the behavior is annoying but not, y'know, criminal. I can see why people want to complain behind the back of that person; it helps them cope with someone who they want to maintain friendly relations with. Still makes me uncomfortable, though, and I usually don't unless the framing is "how do I better cope with the thing that won't change."