@Tattie I often think of how angry one can get as a child when adults won't listen. I see how animals get angry when the expected things don't happen. And...I have wanted to smash open an unopenable jar a few times.

It seems like aggression is often a result of this lack of skill, knowledge, experience or access and little boys often get rewarded quicker for being aggressive.

Which, I think I'm agreeing with you, reinforces inarticulate ways of communicating needs and that becomes gendered.

@Tattie There's interesting discussions around perimenopause and brain fog that underscore how hormones mess with that pathway between what's in our heads and how we react in the world.

It feels like so much of the shortcutting about "boys will be boys" is that we don't offer the patience prior to the onset of surging testosterone (puberty and beyond) to help boys communicate in the ways that are most articulate and then it becomes simply seen as normal.

@Tattie Not pushing back on this per say, I think what I'm framing is a version of what you're saying.

It seems that some of what we attribute to "boys will be violent or aggressive" is more about how testosterone effects modes of communication.

And, if we would actually see four year old boys as communicating physically through aggression instead of with words it would be helpful for everyone.