@jdp23 @stefan valid points! Its not that I personaly feel attacked. I try to overexplain less to avoid "mansplaining". The thing I want to dispute isnt really that mansplaining is bad. It is. I want a society that is kind and understanding no matter the gender.

The reason I started the discussion was because I myself can feel the urge to just not voice my opinions when its a woman. Because if the risk of being called mansplaining. And that to me feels like a step towards the wrong direction.

I don't know if its my autism causing me to overexplain or having a strong sence of justice for the double standard. I think we all should just work to make everyone feel included.

Discussions are complex as it is. I'm sure there is tons of perspectives I'm missing and I'll love to hear them. I'm even sure that my POV in this thread will be misunderstood.

@stefan I agree, mostly a male pattern and we should call it out and fix it.

But generalizing by gender pushes us who don't do it into defensiveness. Humans dig in when grouped with behavior they don't do.

Expecting men to correct sexist behavior by being sexist towards them seems backwards.

I just think the term itself is what bothers me

@stefan I hear you about the patience, I can imagine it must be exhausting.

But I'm stuck on this. If we're fighting gender assumptions, why name the problem after a gender? That shifts who gets assumed about.

Maybe I'm missing something. But judging by gender instead of behavior seems like what we're trying to stop, not redirect.

@stefan Fair point about picking battles. I could be better at that.

My concern is when offering a perspective or disagreeing gets dismissed based on gender assumptions rather than content or tone. If cross-gender discussion becomes something to avoid because of that risk, we end up with less dialogue, not more equality.

Maybe the answer is judging behavior on its own merits instead of who's involved?

@stefan I'm sorry for anyone that's been patronized because of their gender. Condescension based on assumptions is wrong.

My understanding is that mansplaining is explaining because you assume a woman doesn't know something. I don't dispute that happens.

What frustrates me though is the double standard I keep seeing. For example if I see someone writing something I don't agree with I tend to over explain. Not because of any gender but because I have opinions and want to ensure I explain what I mean. That's just how I communicate with everyone.

But I've watched the term get used here as a catch-all for any time a man disagrees with or corrects a woman. Sometimes warranted, sometimes not. And it builds this fear of even participating in discussions with women because your reasoning gets ignored in favor of assumed sexist intent.

If we're assuming someone's motivation based on their gender without evidence, how is that different from the problem we're trying to solve?

Let's put a stop to sexism. On both sides.