Anyone in the market for a sternwheeler?https://www.denisonyachtsales.com/yachts-for-sale/willamette-queen-87-custom

@douglasvb @intrepidhero @camless @sarae @ai6yr @msbellows I appreciate the Victorian styling for this vessel, however, I'm confused by the several broadswords nailed to the wall. What's up with that, they look usable too. Are they anticipating hostile boardings? Normally the armorer of the vessel would keep this put away until a hostile action was anticipated. That way, someone doesn't have a chance to use them when they are deep into their grog.

@Will @douglasvb @intrepidhero @sarae @ai6yr @msbellows The owner is quite the eccentric fellow, to say the least

@camless @Will @intrepidhero @sarae @ai6yr @msbellows it would be pretty epic to get a second vessel and have it setup so you can rent both, and do actual pirate battles on the Willamette River.

The swords would have to be foam though.

@douglasvb @camless @Will @intrepidhero @sarae @ai6yr Coward.

@douglasvb @intrepidhero @camless @sarae @ai6yr I don't think getting it down Willamette Falls will be a problem at all. Getting it down them in one piece might be a little trickier.

@W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae @msbellows
If I remember Mark Twain correctly, part of the challenge of being a river boat pilot was the sand bars move around. You had to be able to read the water surface to know where the sand bars were each time you went through an area.

@dougfir @W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae If only there were some sort of device that, I don't know, bounced sound waves or something through the water and measured how long it took for them to return and then calculated the depth, ideally on an ongoing basis as your ship moved. Someone probably should invent that!

@W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae @msbellows
It's possible Mark Twain exaggerated parts of his stories for artistic effect.

@dougfir @W6KME @douglasvb @camless @sarae @msbellows I don't need to hire small children with long sticks? That's disappointing.

@W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @msbellows the Willamette is a complex navigational environment

for small watercraft

this is perhaps a bit long

@msbellows @douglasvb @camless @sarae @ai6yr I'm stuck on the mental image of it slung beneath a heavy lift heli soaring through Portland.

But navigating the falls atop a bunch of inflatable rafts is close second.

@douglasvb @camless @Will @sarae @ai6yr @msbellows I like this is definitely an attraction Portland could get behind.

@msbellows @dougfir @W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae Using the small child with a stick method, a mechanical device could replace the child, and reach farther ahead than a child's arm. When the stick rises to a dangerous level, it triggers a solenoid to ring an alarm. It would collect muck, though.

@dougfir @W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae @msbellows Should have hired a surfer to pilot them.

@ai6yr @dougfir @W6KME @camless @sarae @msbellows no but there's nothing from stopping you doing it, either.

@sarae @douglasvb @ai6yr @msbellows does any of you have Pete Davidson’s phone number? Colin’s?

@wtrmt @sarae @ai6yr @msbellows I think they have had their fill of purchasing boats

@douglasvb @sarae @ai6yr @msbellows even though Pete has been removing his tattoos (ouch), surely that doesn’t mean that he will be able to let that beauty pass him by.

@dougfir @W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae @msbellows Or a whitewater kayaker.

@jhavok @dougfir @W6KME @ai6yr @douglasvb @camless @sarae You guys are thinking about it completely wrong. You don't want a routefinder in a SHALLOW craft; you want one that's deeper than the sternwheeler so it gets stuck first.

I'm thinking either a fly fisherman in hip waders so when he steps wrong and they flood his loud cursing will alert the other captain to hit reverse, or a decommissioned Columbia River tug just because that compounds the transportation problem nicely.