Everyone loves blaming a victim.

Veronica Explains

Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.

I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.

This is as bad as sexual harassment.

plombirka Ⓐ🩷🖤

@vkc@linuxmom.net u r cool please take care of youself

mos_8502 :verified: 🇨🇦

@vkc Bleah. Why can’t people just be normal about this stuff?

Dr. Dan Killam

@vkc thanks for calling out this toxic behavior! I've observed it too. in a time when we're literally *ruled* by a guy who various naysayers said was a troll who should just be ignored and minimized, the suggestion we should just ignore creepiness really falls flat

Veronica Explains

@dantheclamman yes, that's exactly it

dasgrueneblatt

@vkc Also, how is that even supposed to work? As if there are non-creepy people out there who read what you write and then suddenly decide, yes, that's a great idea, I'm going to be creepy myself from now on?

Acorn Squashbuckler

@vkc That's so awful! The "this isn't really a problem" people are such a huge part of the problem here on Mastodon it's crazy. I've seen people talk about this with both racism and sexism issues here

From what I've heard, part of the problem is that, due to how federation (and de-federation) works, posters will see harassment that half their audience can't, and the whack-a-mole game of moderation gets harder with the distributed servers. I love the fediverse, but there's no question that it needs better moderation tools.

Calling out bad actors and the people that excuse them is step zero in seeing that change, and it's so important to keep doing that. Thank you for posting about it when you encounter nasty commenters 🧡

FediThing :progress_pride:

@vkc

I'm very sorry they said this to you

Victim blaming is never acceptable.

I hope you are able to stay, your presence here would be deeply missed. Your work on the videos has been especially important as well as entertaining. They're so good at getting things across, people have learnt so much from them.

But, of course, this is a bigger issue than videos and it's awful that people are behaving like this.

Veronica Olsen

@vkc 100% Agree. I remember Rebecca Watson kept a wall of hate website with the worst stuff because guys kept claiming she was exaggerating. She most definitely was not, and "just ignoring it" only helps the people who prefer to pretend the problem doesn't exist.

Kevin Gamin

@vkc The Fediverse LOVES to victim blame. I remember @chanda dealing with a lot of that when trying to handle all the sexiest and racist junk thrown their way.

Victoria :neocat_flag_trans::spinny_cat_lesbian:

@kevingamin@twit.social @vkc@linuxmom.net @chanda@blacktwitter.io its not fediverse but people in general. Humans are shit

Veronica Explains

@tragivictoria @kevingamin @chanda but it also happens A LOT here on Fedi. It's important to call that out because every day I hear replyfolk after replyfolk tell me that Fedi is immune from this sort of behavior. It's not and we have to say that.

Veronica Explains

FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.

I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.

This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).

https://linuxmom.net/@vkc/116007560411131080

Eyal Kalderon 🌌

@vkc I'm so sorry this happened to you! Be true to yourself, call out bad behavior when you see it, and surround yourself with people who treat you like a human being (and encourage you to do the same). ️

UberZeitgeist

@vkc - Personally, I find the Fedi a quiet, reflective, non-noise environment with a ton of wallflower folks just posting their thoughts often to an empty room/no replies. Contrasted with the hot mess that is Xwitter - moreso now, as X changed its posting rules and now folks are just posting porn and way, way worse base misogynistic junk. I'm sorry if the baddies have found you. I've only found nice folks here in this quiet corner of the 'net.

Victoria :neocat_flag_trans::spinny_cat_lesbian:

@vkc@linuxmom.net @kevingamin@twit.social @chanda@blacktwitter.io oh, i didnt meant to deny that nor disagree, just wanted to say that its not fediverse-specific. Aside from that 100% agreed

Veronica Explains

@ebkalderon "happened" is an understatement, it's something I see nearly every time I read my mentions.

Eyal Kalderon 🌌

@vkc That's terrible... I'm genuinely sorry.

daniel:// stenberg://

@vkc hold out, keep up and remember that there are many awesome people out there as well, even if sometimes the bad ones take all the oxygen! and of course: we support you whatever decision you do to keep sane and at peace

Veronica Explains

@tragivictoria it's a little like someone saying "cancer is hard" and coming into their replies saying "all diseases are hard". I am specifically addressing Fedi, because misogyny happens here. A lot. Every day. And we need to *say that.*

@kevingamin @chanda