Everyone loves blaming a victim.
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@tragivictoria @kevingamin @chanda but it also happens A LOT here on Fedi. It's important to call that out because every day I hear replyfolk after replyfolk tell me that Fedi is immune from this sort of behavior. It's not and we have to say that.
@vkc@linuxmom.net @kevingamin@twit.social @chanda@blacktwitter.io oh, i didnt meant to deny that nor disagree, just wanted to say that its not fediverse-specific. Aside from that 100% agreed
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@vkc I'm so sorry this happened to you! Be true to yourself, call out bad behavior when you see it, and surround yourself with people who treat you like a human being (and encourage you to do the same).
️@ebkalderon "happened" is an understatement, it's something I see nearly every time I read my mentions.
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@ebkalderon "happened" is an understatement, it's something I see nearly every time I read my mentions.
@vkc That's terrible... I'm genuinely sorry.
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
@vkc hold out, keep up and remember that there are many awesome people out there as well, even if sometimes the bad ones take all the oxygen! and of course: we support you whatever decision you do to keep sane and at peace
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@vkc@linuxmom.net @kevingamin@twit.social @chanda@blacktwitter.io oh, i didnt meant to deny that nor disagree, just wanted to say that its not fediverse-specific. Aside from that 100% agreed
@tragivictoria it's a little like someone saying "cancer is hard" and coming into their replies saying "all diseases are hard". I am specifically addressing Fedi, because misogyny happens here. A lot. Every day. And we need to *say that.*
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
eeek
I guess with your success and your visibility, you get some of the worst of humankind so sorry. more strength to you!
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@vkc - Personally, I find the Fedi a quiet, reflective, non-noise environment with a ton of wallflower folks just posting their thoughts often to an empty room/no replies. Contrasted with the hot mess that is Xwitter - moreso now, as X changed its posting rules and now folks are just posting porn and way, way worse base misogynistic junk. I'm sorry if the baddies have found you. I've only found nice folks here in this quiet corner of the 'net.
@UberZeitgeist "it's fine for me" isn't helpful in the slightest
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc You are right. I can totally understand if you chose to leave fedi/social media etc. Im a cynic and for me this is behaviour that people will show when accountability and consequence is lacking. So, on the internet and the fediverse there is no solution, except maybe small, vetted communities where you can only become member when someone vouches for newbies.
Its a bleeding wound and it needs to be recognised and tackled. Otherwhise people will be mobbed of fedi like everywhere else.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc please don't! it shouldn't be up to you to block the creeps - their instance mods should be doing that for us...
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@vkc please don't! it shouldn't be up to you to block the creeps - their instance mods should be doing that for us...
@jackeric yes, but men also need to stand up to other men when this happens. They need to change culture. Online it's easy- get in the way when you see it.
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
@vkc you are in the right. I don't care how a woman dresses, it's the man's fault if he acts inappropriately. Please ignore these stupid evil people that blame the victim. Not all men Are walking scum. But too many of us are.
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@jackeric yes, but men also need to stand up to other men when this happens. They need to change culture. Online it's easy- get in the way when you see it.
@vkc you mean against the guys who say "marry me", or the guys who offer unsolicited advice... or all of the above?
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@vkc you mean against the guys who say "marry me", or the guys who offer unsolicited advice... or all of the above?
@jackeric yes
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@vkc You are right. I can totally understand if you chose to leave fedi/social media etc. Im a cynic and for me this is behaviour that people will show when accountability and consequence is lacking. So, on the internet and the fediverse there is no solution, except maybe small, vetted communities where you can only become member when someone vouches for newbies.
Its a bleeding wound and it needs to be recognised and tackled. Otherwhise people will be mobbed of fedi like everywhere else.
@vkc So if you chose to leave, disable comments on all videos and thats that, all power to you. Why engage with this bs when this is the reaction you get?
My way was to follow the interesting people on mastodon and thats it. Since i live in a country where a web presence requires you to provide your real adress and said country has a rising fascist tide that likes to "make visits" i will not engage further nor keep a constant pseudonym.
Do whats best for you.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc I both block and report them.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc Many men love to pretend like they understand any social issue with such fucking smugness, but will still pull this shiy not even doing the simple math of understanding that they are doing it. AND THEN REFUSE TO CARE
I'm so sorry. Merely being a woman on the internet is not cause to harass you or any other woman.
Thank you for your work and knowledge. Thank you for doing what you love and taking the space despite this bullshit.
I hate it here. (Earth)
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
@vkc Can I boost this?
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@vkc - Personally, I find the Fedi a quiet, reflective, non-noise environment with a ton of wallflower folks just posting their thoughts often to an empty room/no replies. Contrasted with the hot mess that is Xwitter - moreso now, as X changed its posting rules and now folks are just posting porn and way, way worse base misogynistic junk. I'm sorry if the baddies have found you. I've only found nice folks here in this quiet corner of the 'net.
@UberZeitgeist OK so for some reason dudes (at least they seem to be almost exclusively dudes) seem compelled to reply to complaints of harassment and abuse on fedi like this and honestly I don't know what makes them think this is useful or supportive?
Like..."this place has always been great to me, sorry it isn't for you"...how is someone supposed to take this? It could easily be read as "sorry I guess this place isn't for you" or otherwise that the person is the problem not the place, when it most certainly is the place that needs improving.
I generally start from the assumption people are acting in good faith then adjust from there based on their actions and reactions, so I am assuming that here and that you meant this to be comforting or supportive in some way but you should know most people would find it dismissive at best.
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R ActivityRelay shared this topic
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@UberZeitgeist OK so for some reason dudes (at least they seem to be almost exclusively dudes) seem compelled to reply to complaints of harassment and abuse on fedi like this and honestly I don't know what makes them think this is useful or supportive?
Like..."this place has always been great to me, sorry it isn't for you"...how is someone supposed to take this? It could easily be read as "sorry I guess this place isn't for you" or otherwise that the person is the problem not the place, when it most certainly is the place that needs improving.
I generally start from the assumption people are acting in good faith then adjust from there based on their actions and reactions, so I am assuming that here and that you meant this to be comforting or supportive in some way but you should know most people would find it dismissive at best.
@msh @UberZeitgeist fwiw I *absolutely* read that comment as "sorry this place isn't for you, but it's great for me." Just imagine hearing that in a real world setting: you go to a library, a woman gets catcalled incessantly, she says "that's enough" and someone replies to her saying "I'm sorry you're going through that, but I love it here."
I know I'm not welcome on Fedi.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc@linuxmom.net
I am sorry.
Thank you for speaking out.
![nocci [cyberpunk'd]](https://punk.cyber77.de/files/7613c04a-8db2-4480-8521-967128978561.webp "nocci [cyberpunk'd]"){kind=avatar}