Everyone loves blaming a victim.
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@vkc you mean against the guys who say "marry me", or the guys who offer unsolicited advice... or all of the above?
@jackeric yes
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@vkc You are right. I can totally understand if you chose to leave fedi/social media etc. Im a cynic and for me this is behaviour that people will show when accountability and consequence is lacking. So, on the internet and the fediverse there is no solution, except maybe small, vetted communities where you can only become member when someone vouches for newbies.
Its a bleeding wound and it needs to be recognised and tackled. Otherwhise people will be mobbed of fedi like everywhere else.
@vkc So if you chose to leave, disable comments on all videos and thats that, all power to you. Why engage with this bs when this is the reaction you get?
My way was to follow the interesting people on mastodon and thats it. Since i live in a country where a web presence requires you to provide your real adress and said country has a rising fascist tide that likes to "make visits" i will not engage further nor keep a constant pseudonym.
Do whats best for you.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc I both block and report them.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc Many men love to pretend like they understand any social issue with such fucking smugness, but will still pull this shiy not even doing the simple math of understanding that they are doing it. AND THEN REFUSE TO CARE
I'm so sorry. Merely being a woman on the internet is not cause to harass you or any other woman.
Thank you for your work and knowledge. Thank you for doing what you love and taking the space despite this bullshit.
I hate it here. (Earth)
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
@vkc Can I boost this?
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@vkc - Personally, I find the Fedi a quiet, reflective, non-noise environment with a ton of wallflower folks just posting their thoughts often to an empty room/no replies. Contrasted with the hot mess that is Xwitter - moreso now, as X changed its posting rules and now folks are just posting porn and way, way worse base misogynistic junk. I'm sorry if the baddies have found you. I've only found nice folks here in this quiet corner of the 'net.
@UberZeitgeist OK so for some reason dudes (at least they seem to be almost exclusively dudes) seem compelled to reply to complaints of harassment and abuse on fedi like this and honestly I don't know what makes them think this is useful or supportive?
Like..."this place has always been great to me, sorry it isn't for you"...how is someone supposed to take this? It could easily be read as "sorry I guess this place isn't for you" or otherwise that the person is the problem not the place, when it most certainly is the place that needs improving.
I generally start from the assumption people are acting in good faith then adjust from there based on their actions and reactions, so I am assuming that here and that you meant this to be comforting or supportive in some way but you should know most people would find it dismissive at best.
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R ActivityRelay shared this topic
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@UberZeitgeist OK so for some reason dudes (at least they seem to be almost exclusively dudes) seem compelled to reply to complaints of harassment and abuse on fedi like this and honestly I don't know what makes them think this is useful or supportive?
Like..."this place has always been great to me, sorry it isn't for you"...how is someone supposed to take this? It could easily be read as "sorry I guess this place isn't for you" or otherwise that the person is the problem not the place, when it most certainly is the place that needs improving.
I generally start from the assumption people are acting in good faith then adjust from there based on their actions and reactions, so I am assuming that here and that you meant this to be comforting or supportive in some way but you should know most people would find it dismissive at best.
@msh @UberZeitgeist fwiw I *absolutely* read that comment as "sorry this place isn't for you, but it's great for me." Just imagine hearing that in a real world setting: you go to a library, a woman gets catcalled incessantly, she says "that's enough" and someone replies to her saying "I'm sorry you're going through that, but I love it here."
I know I'm not welcome on Fedi.
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc@linuxmom.net
I am sorry.
Thank you for speaking out. -
Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc Given your follower count here and on YouTube, one thing I expect is getting lost in the noise is the frequency bias. It's been a hot minute since something like this happened to me, but I have multiple orders of magnitude less followers on every platform combined than you do here.
It's easy to block and say "yeah, so that was weird" when it's something you can go months, even years without experiencing. I bet most of the people saying that shit to you have no idea what it's like to experience that daily, multiple times a day even.
Is it fact that there's a lot of "weirdos" (I hate using that word here because I don't think weird should be good or bad, just not-average) and creeps on the internet? Yes. Does literally everyone figure that out within five minutes? Yes. Are there infinitely better things someone can suggest to mitigate or prevent it in future than just blocking and moving on? Yes. Should you at least acknowledge how much it sucks, to say the least, before giving unsolicited advice? Yeah, if you actually want to help the person and not just collect brownie points.
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
@vkc How in the hell can these jackasses accuse you of encouraging marriage proposals from strangers? Literally the only way a person could encourage such bizarre behavior would be to say, "hey, I want to be married but I'm not in a relationship. Would someone please propose to me?"
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc I also read that responding only spreads their hate
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
[problem-solving mode engaged, hope this is appropriate]
Would it help if you had another mod to preemptively block these f#ckers before they have a chance to get in your head?
...or, longer-term, federated auto-blocking so you could let other instances do much of the mod work...?
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[problem-solving mode engaged, hope this is appropriate]
Would it help if you had another mod to preemptively block these f#ckers before they have a chance to get in your head?
...or, longer-term, federated auto-blocking so you could let other instances do much of the mod work...?
@woozle I wouldn't subject anyone else to the crap I see on this site. I have nightmares after some of the things I see. Some sort of federated blocking would be a good start but we've seen from Bluesky how something like that also has abuse potential.
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@mcSlibinas was I looking for a reason to block? Did I look like I was unsure about it? Was I asking for advice?
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@mcSlibinas I WAS LITERALLY POSTING ABOUT BLOCKING
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@mcSlibinas so blame the victim?
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@vkc @mcSlibinas why are you blaming her for others' awful behaviour
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Everyone loves blaming a victim. "You are encouraging other weird/creepy people" GTFO with that.
I get a few of these EVERY TIME I post about sexism on this website. I'm sick of it- you all are making me want to delete this server and abandon Fedi. I'm totally serious.
This is as bad as sexual harassment.
@vkc Your content is consistently good. I appreciate it. Loved the Apple Arm distro review. Don't let the bastards get you down. Thanks!
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@mcSlibinas @vkc brother these are all responses on her post, stop being a PITA
blocking only gets you so far, this is a systemic issue and frankly what are you adding to the discussion?
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FYI this was in response to me being exhausted, as the amount of men creepily proposing to me continues to grow.
I was tired of being catcalled, I *talked about it*, and was told I was encouraging it.
This is the kind of behavior that drives women off of Fedi and toward closed platforms like Instagram where blocking is (seemingly) easier (and where there's more women).
@vkc the only way to get rid of sexual harassment, racism, transphobia, etc is to pretend it doesn't exist and hope it goes away on its own
![nocci [cyberpunk'd]](https://punk.cyber77.de/files/7613c04a-8db2-4480-8521-967128978561.webp "nocci [cyberpunk'd]"){kind=avatar}
