Do you ever get turned on by your own body/presentation?
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@alice Hell, no! I’m deeply surprised anyone ever has. I’m ugly, (now) tubby, and a lot of work either in a relationship or merely to interest in a hook-up. Who the fuck wants me‽
@IanAMartin assuming your profile photo is of you, you don't seem unattractive to me (and I like to think I have fairly discerning taste)
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@momo I asked my (very cishet) mom a (watered down) version of this question, and she was like "eww, no".
Apparently she likes penises, and body hair, and boy-smell, and such.
Though she shaves her body, wears makeup and perfume, and dresses feminine.
And it blew my mind that you'd want to make yourself less attractive to yourself.
I mean, I haven't always found myself attractive, even though I know a lot of other folx did, but I've always worked to make myself more attractive *to me*. It took a lot of unlearning toxic shit, but now that I can find myself attractive, I *wish* I'd gotten here so much sooner.
@alice
Okay, then I should bring this up with my therapist, because this could lead to self-caring behavior and he is a very big fan of his depression patients actively self-care, taking breaks, doing stuff just for themselves (like taking a long bath instead of a quick shower)...Thank you for planting that idea in my head. 🥰
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@jwdt @gabriel @alice This, I find. One may not be their own type, but it's possible they are someone else's. Some traditionally masc or fem features may not work for those that are not attracted to such things, but they could be important to someone else.
Also, I wouldn't want to forget that some may not feel attraction to physical presentation much at all (I sadly forget the term), but the other kind of things that make a person, the more mental side. Maybe they'd be with themselves in that regard? Alice's alternative question phrasing would have accounted for that angle, I do suppose.
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@gabriel @alice @jwdt I think there's also a general difference between finding oneself attractive and getting turned on by oneself?
And of course also the whole "not my type" thingBesides that I think many people see themselves not the same as other people see them: because we're all aware about our inner states and every tiny little thought. But I wouldn't be aware of those things if I would just observe a clone of me
So it doesn't seem unusual if somebody finds me hot, even if I don't -
@gabriel @alice @jwdt I think there's also a general difference between finding oneself attractive and getting turned on by oneself?
And of course also the whole "not my type" thingBesides that I think many people see themselves not the same as other people see them: because we're all aware about our inner states and every tiny little thought. But I wouldn't be aware of those things if I would just observe a clone of me
So it doesn't seem unusual if somebody finds me hot, even if I don't@gabriel @alice @jwdt (and besides that, I understand "being with someone" as "dating someone" and that doesn't even need sex or physical attraction at all. So of course I can expect somebody to want to be with me, even if I don't get turned on by myself, even if that would mean, that nobody does either (which I don't agree with/think is true))
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Now I'm curious how different the answers would be if I'd phrased the question as "If you could be someone else for a day, and had the opportunity to, would you fuck yourself?"
@alice my answer would change. I answered yes, but I probably wouldn't fuck myself, because I'm just not really compatible with myself sex-wise. And I'm just not into sex that's not good for either party. Unless "being someone else" would also change some of my sexual preferences (in the right way), then I would fuck myself
(Realistically speaking I probably would fuck myself either way, just because it's a once in a lifetime chance and would make a good story
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@momo I asked my (very cishet) mom a (watered down) version of this question, and she was like "eww, no".
Apparently she likes penises, and body hair, and boy-smell, and such.
Though she shaves her body, wears makeup and perfume, and dresses feminine.
And it blew my mind that you'd want to make yourself less attractive to yourself.
I mean, I haven't always found myself attractive, even though I know a lot of other folx did, but I've always worked to make myself more attractive *to me*. It took a lot of unlearning toxic shit, but now that I can find myself attractive, I *wish* I'd gotten here so much sooner.
@momo @alice haha, that's the reason I (not a man) used to use men's deodorant: it smells good to me (which probably isn't by accident: I'm the target group since I'm (also) attracted to men). And I want to smell good!
(Then there are also things that are hot on other people but just not my style. But I'm also already hot enough without those things)
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@alice I'd date myself, I think I'm really attractive. Fuck myself? As myself, maybe; as someone else, no
But also demisexual so@AbsentAbigail that's fair.
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Do you ever get turned on by your own body/presentation?
Pick the answer that best represents your current gender expression and orientation.
@alice Nothing from above because I'm an egosexual.
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@eruonna so, when I say "other folx gender wasn't really a factor in who I found attractive¹", the ¹ stands for "it's more complicated than that", specifically:
- body hair is a huge turnoff for me, and (most) men tend to let that stuff grow wild
- "boy-smell²" is another big turnoff for me, and surprise, it's significantly more common on boys
- in general, men need to put in a similar amount of work³ as women for me to find them attractiveSo it shakes out that I end up being hot for way more women and other femme-presenting folx than I do men or masc-presenting folx, just by merit of two of my biggest turn-offs happening to be *way* more common in men (gay men offset this math somewhat, but they tend to be gay, so
️).² that musky gym sock smell. I know some folx love it—hell, they make like a hundred 12-in-1 body products to make men specifically smell *more* like that, so someone must think it smells good. Give me vanillas, strawberries, brass, lock lubricant, etc *any⁴* day.
³ most don't.
one of the fascinating effects of transition for me has been how much more sensitive my nose has become in general.
'boysmell' - testosterone-associated body chemistry bacterial load, vs. estrogen-associated body chemistry bacterial load for the pedants lol - is very sharp and distinctive; girlsmell is categorically different.
also it was hilarious when my smell shifted polarity; the cats noticed first and they were looking at me really weird for, like, a week before I figured out what was happening lol
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@eruonna so, when I say "other folx gender wasn't really a factor in who I found attractive¹", the ¹ stands for "it's more complicated than that", specifically:
- body hair is a huge turnoff for me, and (most) men tend to let that stuff grow wild
- "boy-smell²" is another big turnoff for me, and surprise, it's significantly more common on boys
- in general, men need to put in a similar amount of work³ as women for me to find them attractiveSo it shakes out that I end up being hot for way more women and other femme-presenting folx than I do men or masc-presenting folx, just by merit of two of my biggest turn-offs happening to be *way* more common in men (gay men offset this math somewhat, but they tend to be gay, so
️).² that musky gym sock smell. I know some folx love it—hell, they make like a hundred 12-in-1 body products to make men specifically smell *more* like that, so someone must think it smells good. Give me vanillas, strawberries, brass, lock lubricant, etc *any⁴* day.
³ most don't.
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Now I'm curious how different the answers would be if I'd phrased the question as "If you could be someone else for a day, and had the opportunity to, would you fuck yourself?"
@alice I wouldn't. I'm gross.
I'm blessed my wife doesn't agree.
